Pompeii a ‘review’ (of commentary too)……with super bonus extra unnecessary reasoning to my reasoning..

I debated about posting two versions of this post; one with all the babbling and explaining of my five points system and one without. I also thought about just editing it down and explaining nothing at all which I probably mention in the body of words somewhere else too. In any case this is what I’m going with. The whole hot mess but because of it another unfinished blog where I over explain pretty simple stuff will likely never surface (On that note I still FULLY intend on posting my best and worst of 2013…as I wrote quite a bit I just need to clean it up a bit and add or subtract a few things. Sure it might be fiscally 2015 by the time my best/worst of 2013 shows up as a post BUT I also will have seen damn near everything that came out last year by that point..haha). So without further ado, aside from the initial ado’s, enjoy way to many words about a movie that doesn’t quite deserve that much attention 😀

Subject header has already warned you but further elaboration before you do or do not go on (which of course one logically would just skip over) I’ll allude to it later on too but don’t mind all the extra babbling on the five points of a star bit because the compulsion to explain is or was stronger than not doing so..and as I’ll maybe never get to posting a breakdown of said system ((which you will also read later…and then  deja vu… 😮 ))…I did it here because as you’ll also read later I haven’t and …vicious circle of explaining why i explained an explanation…. “hashtag” yikes. (((yes I know #yikes could also have expressed that thought..but those who don’t “hashtag” might be thrown off..and again more future dejua vu to forshadow….I don’t believe anyone is reading this anyway..but if you do…you are..and there you go….. #meta )))


As I said on twitter it’s like Titanic with a volcano…only not really…but it is. Why? Love story thrown on top of real life events. And perhaps that’s all there really is to say about that..but okay how about some more? Kiefer Sutherland is in it. There’s a guy that looks like he could be orlando bloom’s stand in/double in the lord of the rings trilogy (our lead Kit Karington. There’s a princess (?) played by a chick that looks like she can kick ass and take names later(Emily Browning) ; I thought to myself Sigourney weaver eat your heart out only in the terms of bad ass bithness not so much in acting ability ALTHOUGh I guess an argument could be made for miss weaver’s ability or lack there of…((what do I know; really? Armchair critic as it were and all….although I think highly of myself that I KNOW I’m not completly off abotu every crazy ass random comparsion I make…I’ve even had the writer of a certain flick verify my speculation about an homage so actually I KNOW i kind of know wtf I’m talking about;;; if for some reason you’re reading this and have never read any of my nonsense or some sense I have a tendency, clearly, to go off track and sometimes to often callmyself out and then call myself out on calling myself out…because just look how much it’s added to this here ‘review’…haha 😀 [note not really why i thappens or happened..it just is what it is]))

How about a brief intermission? coming up next you’ll see a bit of my ‘five points of a star’ weighted average rating system. It’s quite simple as you’ll see but I started writing a blog a while back, on my phone,  explaining the logic behind my process that’s not done and possibly may never be done. It’s probably not needed because it’s all pretty DUH when you see it broken down. What might be less duh is when I then end up with three ratings/rankings/whateverings for a flick..but oh well it’s my system so I do what I want (Unless someone can point me to someone else that does it and has been doing it exactly my way for a longer period of time. This actually will be the first time I post something where I do a paint by numbers break down..although I’ve done a few others just for my massive database of ratings and reviews. Anywho. Pps{cubed}ee(cubed)…lol…simple right? Okay even simpler PPSEE. Discernible by what I choose them to mean…input welcome to tell me how the s is part of the p or how e3 isn’t point worthy..etcetera..but I know I’ll get none….so pbth…and away we go.

Performance. Kiefer Sutherland is a bit over the top; It’s possible the character was written that way but it’s also equally possible that’s Kiefer being Kiefer (I spelled kiefer kefier multiple times and spell check didn’t help me out..so annoying I had to retype it a bunch of times..lol). Everyone else does a fine enough job as far as I can tell but it’s nothing groundbreaking or mind-blowing. 4*s

Plot. Volcano goes boom and *Faux Spoiler Alert* turns everyone into statues. Okay so it’s not quite that simple. There’s a story constructed which I alluded to up above, an attempted love story, and there’s a bit of a back-story to give reason to actions…BUT and/or HOWEVER…this could easily have been a Michal Bay project (listening to the commentary will teach you in fact it was a passion project of our director Paul w.s. Anderson) and chances are you want to see things going boom if you’ve decided/are deciding to watch it; thus 3.5*’s. It does what it needs to and isn’t overly ridiculous so there you go. ((although I could understand someone putting it much lower..however I’m okay with what I gave it..clearly..ha..hahaha))

Setting/score/soundtrack (This, in my as of yet unpublished breakdown of my system, evolved a bit when I thought to myself…wait a tick music is often important..there’s tons of movies where the soundtrack and/or score made a HUGE difference…thus clearly 1/5 of a rating worthy. I’m not quite sure that score and soundtrack belong with setting BUT as they sonically enhance or dehance the physical settings I think it fits under that umbrella. Feel free to disagree and give me a good argument against my logic if you’d like). <<<that nonsense aside>> It’s set on an island with an angry volcano and quite secluded from the rest of the roman empire. Musically nothing is overly powerful…or underly relevant….this could deserve higher and could deserve lower so I’m going to go with 3.75 because could be a 4…could be a 3.5…I maybe am just being to harsh or indecisive but in simplest terms..it’s nothing all that groundbreaking on any level. ((also another aside originally I had plot and story as points before realizing or deciding the story and plot are essentially the same…but a nitpicker or one who is quite obsessive in their compulsions..the argument easily could be made that story and plot are birds of a feather but the story and plot surely aren’t one and the same….or if not I could make that argument but I still decided for simplification purposes its the same….but that’s not even where I was going. One could probably and perhaps argue setting and plot walk hand in hand. Again at least I think so but I also think they deserve to stand alone….but then as setting alone seems quite vague and my realization of music lacking in my system..well there you go..way for me to say the same thing thrice itinit?))

Execution (and with that perhaps direction?)(( Another point where I thought to myself…but wait a tick the director is important right? Or at least his direction? But I came up with execution first and it encompasses everything not just the directors direction; right/no? because PPS3EEcubed wasn’t complicated enough….PPS3E/dEcubed….hahahaha..as with others and if you pay attention you’ll notice I just changed a bit even without the ‘d’ tossed in, forever evolving or something *?*…anywho back on track and out of parenthesis)) . All was executed well enough as far as I could see. 4*s.

Enjoy/engage/entertain(ment). I actually quite enjoyed it more than i expected to. It successfully kept my attention. Thus I would go nearly as far as to say I enjoyed it. Let’s go 4*s..

and now to where I start to make things more overly  complicated than I already have 😀

my overall initial gut reaction this is what I think of it rating 3.5*s (more specifically I said 3.5ish on twitter..and that’s another layer of over complicated as my twit-views could vary slightly from the final gut product..and then throw in my unnecessary but more logical and explainable 5 points average….by the end we’ve got a dozen ratings…which ultimately if my gut and my breakdown are close than clearly I’m right by my own logic..haha)

5 points (of a star) average 3.85

percentage to be like rotten tomatoes 73.5%

[[[a point illustrated or elaborated or what have you in my postscript below. 3.5(read 70%) & 3.85 ((read 77%))…..almost not that far off from each other however almost a full point different too…so how wonderfully adding them together works the same way as averaging but with one less step of converting a rating based on 5 into a percentage based on 100…and then (((I’m clearly simple that I’m constantly amazed that by adding my two scores and moving a decimal it gives me the same result as averaging them..lol))) the percentage falls almost in line with my initial thought…thus making so much of my process unnecessary/unneeded but justifying to myself that my initial not specifically broken down into points rating is pretty damned spot on to what I come up with when getting more specific;;;;;;;; although an argument could be made that subconsciously I could be coming up with the ratings of the five points to end up in the same ballpark as my gut…but..the argument could clearly also be made that why would I disagree with myself? It’s a fun road of discovery or something for myself if nothing else I guess ]]]

So yeah long short average-ish movie. Probably not much greater than average…possibly much worse than average…but you could do worse with your time for sure. (to add another unnecessary level…were blockbuster still around and I didn’t have a way to view it free or cheap would I spend 5 or 6 bucks to see it? Probably not but then as I didn’t see it in the theater and didn’t have much to any interest in seeing it in the theater….and i HAD paid to see it in a theater…I’d probably put it more at like around a 66%…but stil not all that far off from my gut 3.5..right?… It was fine on a smaller tv screen for free ((by way of library)). I wouldn’t have been pissed had a I spent a buck or two via Redbox to see it. I wouldn’t have been happy had I paid 5 or 6 to stream it….and so forth and so on….there’s really no reason for me to go down that road..aside from therapy for my soul..haha) ….

Always love when they say ‘thanks for listening and watching and clearly you must of liked it or why would you be listening to the commentary’….as I’m the person that tries to watch/listen to a commentary track if it’s available regardless of if i loved or hated the movie…and as a matter of fact quite often a terrible movie has an enjoyable commentary…so there you go.

Commentary reveals they were making a disaster movie with a love story…and later they say ‘we were obviously inspired a little by titanic)..so my review isn’t all that far off. Other gems include ‘if people hang upside down to long their heads explode’….and said in a completely serious tone. (((and more on that really it is….ghetto and rich brought together and then a tragedy ensues)))

Although I was kind of half awake through a decent chunk of the commentary (probably a half hour where I was elsewhere..which often happens when I watch/listen to a commentary) it was enjoyable and provided insight into the process therefore 4.5*s ((it was on pace for 5 in the first hour..but then my zoning out took me out..so clearly it wasn’t engaging enough for me to not tune it out..))
also the movie actually was slightly more enjoyable on the second viewing..though I did notice a “goof” there was a clearly modern fountainhead(attachment, whatever the part where water shot out) in a fountain. yep.

“Will blow your mind, leave you breathless” Bryan Erdy *?* Move Planet …bazinga..because the ash will engulf you you won’t be able to breath…and also the volcano blows….seems like a made up person from a made up sight with a made up quote because it’s almost punesque. surely didn’t leave my breathless or blow my mind although there are some impressive visual effects and shots.

(((as I obsess over the patterns of three…it’s three..three..three reviews in one….or at least three ratings…haha..:P… per the below that could also be my format. random babbling review, break down review, and here’s a number with no explanation behind it review…bazinga)))


So I like to over-complicate things clearly but it is what it is. I’ll pretend there’s dozens of you reading and you’re actually reading this. Should I break things down or should I keep things simple? Should I just give gut/5poitns/ %score? Should I attempt to work the 5 points into my normal “review” where I just kind of write about whatever I feel warrants being written about or does anyone appreciate my blathering followed by the 5 points and a few words? Does anyone care about the ratings for each point or is just the average preferable? ((haha as if anyone but me cares)). Thanks for potential feedback, suggestions, critiques, etcetera. No thanks if you read all, most, or some of my nonsense and don’t fulfill my simple request of thoughts or opinions….and of course “#cheers” ;)~

B. This being the prototype for the free world to see and all things will be much less messy if I continue on the path laid out above. I may, probably most likely, continue doning whatever it is I do in any case…but I guess we or I and whomever shall see?


nay of course never “Fin~”…one of the longest ‘reviews’ I’ve ever written for a movie that is quite average…I’m calling myself out on that….oh well….as yet another alludement (seemingly not an actual word but if it should be..what else conveys the past participle of elude? if that’s even the right terminology either..haha) somewhere above mentioned written for my soul..haha…….. toodles….

About jahwoo

I am the shiznit...need more be said? If you think so..than you probably don't need to be here :-D
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