Don Jon: a short(ish) half assed “review”…(((with bonus insight through my eyes))) Annnd BONUS bonus I review quotes on the dvd….

But before I get into that…remember my best, worst, and other of 2013 list? It might show up by the end of this month…none of you and no one out there cares…but I do..so i MUST follow through…haha….anywho…

Don Jon.

I watch most everything to begin with…I enjoy JGL. This was one of those I definitely want to and will see flicks…buuut….It definitely leaves a lot to at least something to be desired. The character of Don Jon is a douchebag that loves porn. Nay He’s addicted to porn. In my world stating that COULD be considered mildly spoiley as the trailers I saw nor the dvd case call him an addict….but 45 seconds into the movie or so…he all but admits to that fact. (((as far as I saw suggested he just realllly likes his porn)))….actually on the previous words spilled….the movie could be seen as “does this dude love porn or does he have a problem”….At the end of the day who gives a fuck? I mean really? If you’re a meathead doucefuck you might be brought to tears as you realize you struggle the same as the character does…If you’re me you’ll enjoy the flick just enough not to bash it while gaining nothing at all from it. Does it inform us? Nope. Does it entertain? That depends on the person but as I just said it’s just entertaining enough not to blast. Scarlett Johansson plays a bitch. Juliane Moore shows up as a woman with issues..see postscript for what could be considered a spoiler but only if you’re really stupid…..okay so more so my OPINION of something that happens actualyl touches upon something less obvious that I could also have made up…uhm hmm..intrigued yet? Proably not. If you like bad accents, doucebags, and dumb slutty “but I’m a good girl” bitches you’ll likely love the shit out of Don Jon but if you’re anything like me….you’ll be left saying…well okay than….  3 pornoriffic *’s out of 5.    [[[well acted I guess? Something was clearly written. Made me chuckle a few times. Left me saying ‘well there you go’. In spite of my calling Jon a meathead douchefuck I don’t/didn’t hate the character..but those kinds of people and me…peas in a pod we aren’t.]]]

 

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***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************Barely spoiler opinion of what I witnessed unfold. Julianne Moore’s barely developed character, not to say you need more, we find out lost a son and husband….she fucks don jon…or don Jon fucks her…..sex between the two happens….but there’s a scene where she lovingly strokes his head as if….my son would have been about your age…you’re my baby boy…so clearly she wanted to fuck her son….or clearly she has intimacy issues….or clearly I’m just more fucked in the head than you and you and you…and you…but I’m sure I’m onto something with her seeing a bit of her son in Jon..but because she’s so damaged……the sex allows her to feel..something….he gets a bit of what he wants she gets a bit of what she wants…..”Winnning”…and in that…..one could go out and say WOW DEEP MOVING AMAZING movie….there’s not enough girth for that though….maybe if it was two hours long and more development happened….I can’t identify with any of them…so there you go…******************************************************************************
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just to make this longer…per the “”‘s on the dvd

“Hilarious”…nope…it made me chuckle..but there were no tears or bellyaches from the laughs delivered…nor was it really a laugh riot….most people..or Joe and Jane movie goer probably going to be more disgusted than they are going to be laughing…but this movie’s not for them BUT…they could inadvertently watch it….so…yeah

“Edgy”…….hmm..well see my postcript/spoiler rant up above…unless “Edgy” means a guy watching porn and wacking it is edgy…but if not..maybe I’m not alone in seeing much more than was intended to be seen…or something….

“Genuine” …that comes from variety…lol….anywho….genuine douchebags that exist in the actual world? Okay…. It’s like everything that’s bad about the jersey shore in the characters….uhm hmm….

“Smart”…. from entertainment weekly…i subscribe to ew ((though I get it free every year because I’m fucking magical))….I quite enjoy the magazine…although I think their movie reviews are mostly shit….their music reviews pretty shit..and…hmm…why do I love ew? (((pop culture awareness more than source of quality reading material..thanks for asking)))..Anywho; “Smart” not a word I would use to describe Don Jon…clearly ((it is clear isn’t it?))…

so..that’s right… Hilarious, edgy, genuine, AND smart. I’m not thinking hard about it..and nothing immediately jumps to mind…but are there movies that are simultaneously all four of those things? Granted four sources for those four words….(((ooh and one more that was covered up to follow this bit of words))….. Dogtooth I think is those four things though…now that I thought about it for a moment…maybe not all that geniuine..but it’s pretty effing hilarious, edgy, and smart…so see Dogtooth instead of don Jon if you have to pick one or the other…hahahahaha….but no seriously…see Dogtooth if you haven’t…than tell me how fucked in the head I am…and then read the spoilery/postscript above about Don Jon and understand the world I exist in. Uhmkay…i’ll wait.

Yeah so as I said one more word, it was covered up, “sexy”…there is t&a and lots of fucking…I guess that’s sexy….or Scarlett Johansson as long as she’s not talking is sexy…uhm hmm….

😀

[[[[I of course know no one is reading…but if you did….how do you feel about bonus review content as I dispute or argue with quotes on the dvd case? It was good for me…not all dvds have them to rip on/argue with [rare occasions agree]…I’ve actually went off on quotations and/or blurbs within my reviews before…but I think as supplemental review information it’s even better….and thus even if you or someone else thinks it’s a horrible idea….look for it to become a reoccurring feature of my “reviews”…hahahahaha…thanks for reading….or not……..and ooooh how about a teaser?

On the cover of Jobs “Terrifically Entertaining”….the number of things wrong with that quote is quite amazing….uhm hmm….on that note…if i post a review about jobs….more will likely be said of the quotes on the dvd case than of the movie…hahahahhaha….. I watched it because I was hoping it would be terrible….I may or may not have been disappointed…I may or may not have tweeted something about it….hmmm ]]]]]

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About jahwoo

I am the shiznit...need more be said? If you think so..than you probably don't need to be here :-D
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3 Responses to Don Jon: a short(ish) half assed “review”…(((with bonus insight through my eyes))) Annnd BONUS bonus I review quotes on the dvd….

  1. thycriticman says:

    Oh no! I liked this a lot more than you did! This is the only film that Scarlett was not attractive when she talked but that can be blamed on her horrible personality! Your score is still decent though!

    • jahwoo says:

      I think I said many people might or will like it more than I did; if not…well there you go. lol. I didn’t hate it..I would maybe even watch it once or twice more but I think I had high expectations and they weren’t met;

      ((although as I quickly looked back over it..It’s possible I was a bit harsh because I didn’t care much about the characters…and yet there’s cases where that’s irrelevant to how I feel about a movie..haha…they “rubbed” me the wrong way I guess))

      Thanks for commenting.

      • thycriticman says:

        Oh yeah, I know you said that:) That is funny because I loved the characters! Maybe because the whole time I was receiving dirty looks from my girlfriend who kept comparing me to the main character haha. I disagree with her!

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