Been a while since I’ve posted movie “reviews” and the first movie in particular has forced me to get back to it….so away we go
Martha Marcy May Marlene; I’ve wanted to see this ever since I heard the first ‘Elizabeth olsen whom you might not realize is the sister of mary kate and ashley (I actually DID know that…she was in a few of their movies…so i was aware of her existence) is the star of this movie and is amazing’. I said to myself well duh…why assume she can’t act because her sisters weren’t or aren’t exactly great thespians? ANywho. This movie is wonderfully or beautifully disturbing. Not in the same way say Dogtooth is wonderfully disturbing…but it definitely takes us on a fucked up journey bordering on a descent into madness. I enjoy movies like that; perhaps more than I should. She’s great. She’s a little bit of all right in the looks department, has lovely chesticles, and did I mention..she’s great? In regards to her looks however…she does seem to walk a thin line between hotness and maggie gyllenhaal ((who, if you don’t get the picture I’m putting out there, is about a negative 10 on the hotness scale…)). I know I know..who cares if she’s hot ((well lots of people I’m sure))….but the point I might be trying to make…she’s not just a pretty face…she’s got mad skilzz…if that shit ain’t method even more so talented is she in her acting abilities. Bright future ahead for her if she keeps making movies…enough kissing her ass…. Mildly spoiler alert; Mildly because I’m not actually giving anything away other than an opinion and someting I already said on twitter; ******************************************…I quite likely screamed at my tv at least once if not more than once through the duration of the movie and you may feel inclined to do so as well. There’s a scene where the crime of breaking the 4th wall is a bit broken..but it feels as if she’s staring directly into our eyes…****************************************** If you’re not familiar with the rough premiis of the movie. Girl finds herself in a cult…girl runs away from the cult….hijinks ensue…(okay not really any hijinks per se’)…I kind of feel telling you that much could be seen as a spoiler too but it’s one of those things that reading the description for the movie gives away. If you watch this movie and don’t feel like you’ve gone through some shit….I think there’s probaly something wrong with you. It’s engaging as all get out…well acted…excellent music aside from a little bit that feels a bit to much like something from a cheesey horror movie (but works quite well also)…and if I were to throw out buzzwords… “gut wrenching”, “spell binding”, and the like might aptly apply….I’m sure they appeared on a poster or dvd cover or something….(((how often do I realize that just about anything other than saying great effing movie could be taken as a spoier?….I try to be pretty vauge with most of my reviews though I think…I haven’t had anyone tell me I spoiled a movie for them yet but of course not enough eyes glance upon my reviews to really know..so yeah)))….Definetly a must see movie if you’re a fan of film. Expertly crafted and all that jazz. 5*s ….despite what could be seen as many as a huge flaw in the whole experience…..the more you know…or perhaps the less!
Into the abyss 4*s? Ever notice how sometimes I put the rating before the rambling and other times I post it mid ramble or at the end? Well this could be why. Werner herzog is like that creepy uncle…nay creepy neighbor that likes to ask you lots of uncomfortable questions. This I base on all of two movies he has made that I’ve seen; nay documentaries..not movies. ((the other one was the cave movie..which I found booooooooring)). Per my parenthesis..this opened up and I wasn’t immediately grabbed or pulled in….I was scared I was going to be bored to tears again..well….it’s hard to say what I was. I think it’s one of those cases of about 75% of a good documentary…but it also felt a bit like watching an episode of 48 hours or dateline nbc just with a creepy old german narrator instead of the guy that sounds like the newscaster on the muppet show or chris hansen; Yep. That right there would be my very short blurb version of a review (((none of you who read me on myspace might remember my lazy but creative blurb style reviews….done because i know no one wanted to read my 900000000000 word essay on a movie..so I cut down to keep it simple stupid..hey let’s write like we’re trying to get our blurb on the commercial or poster for the movie style review…maybe I’ll start doing that again….publishing both….the long drawn out not quit review such as these you see here AND a very short and to the point 1.5 sentence or so blurbview)))
anywho…how about i take an unnecessary space break from the above. Into the abyss covers a murder, perhaps alleged murder..but there were dead presumably killed bodies that led to people being charged, or murders and people involved. It’s meant to be a kind of a journey from crime to execution….Will the convicted die..will they live….will we care? Will….one more will…will you watch it if you haven’t and didn’t think you wanted to watch it? If not…does it matter? If so….or if you HAVE seen it go ahead and share if you agree or disagree with my 4*s? rating….the question mark is quite apt I think….it means I’m not sure if I feel it’s 4*s or not…..it’s at worst average..as per my suggestion of coming off a bit much like a nighttime true crime style program news story. If not for the werner herzog about it…I don’t know that I would have found myself watching it either. (((per the film vault, loveline, and the after disaster…anderson cowan talks or has talked quite a lot about werner or..Verner as he calls him….so it’s his influence that mostly caused me to watch it….yep….500 little mentions of something and it leads me to check it out…I’m such a whore..or ..more the john? I don’t know….)))) ;;;;;;;;;;; Long story short. You can easily avoid this and be content in life. You can easily watch it and feel that if you hadn’t watched it…you couldn’t REALLY be content in life. It’s not groundbreaking….it’s not great….but it’s also not totally boring or entirely terrible….so what more could you ask for in a documentary that you may or may not decide you want to watch? Hmmm.
New Years Eve. But before I get to that….I’ve really lazily been rating lots of movies around 4*s lately….it’s become my generic go to it seems…now that being said…..This movie..also probably around that 4* figure. I don’t think i can commit definitely to a rating however. It’s obviously a movie made for chicks. Much like valentines day it’s got a splendid variety of actors and actresses that you HAVE seen many other places unless you’re new to America or haven’t seen very many movies and don’t watch tv. What else really need be said about this? It’s decent. It’s well acted for the most part…but a few people are quite awful. Bits of it are utterly ridiculous, stupid, and bordering on the literal retarded (or more so on the slang, which is now un pc and thus like saying “the n word”, usage of said term). If you found anything enjoyable about valentines day ((I think i remember having liked it….thus I must obviously be a homosexual))…you’ll probably like this one too. If you hated valentines day…you’re probably not going to like this one either. Go figure right? There IS something however to be said for a good old fashioned ensemble piece. if for no other reason than the fun of seeing who pops up and remembering their work in better pictures. So there we go. Like how these 3 “reviews’ are kind of all in different styles? Kind of like walking a few hours in my footsteps….back to the movie….IF you watch a ton of movies I think you should watch it. If you don’t watch a ton of movies I don’t think you should watch it. If you wanted to see it…follow that instinct…if you thought OH hellll no…..follow that instinct too….but there’s definitely much worse crap you could spend 2 hours with….(((highly recommend it if you happen to have movie channels..find yourself incredibly bored and it just so happens to be on at that moment…..however not so highly recommend you should dvr it to view at a later I’m bored point…yep….there we go….covered all the bases……Ashton kutcher might be the most fun character to spend a few minutes with in it….oooh and I thought michelle pheifer was Susan sarandon…to most people that would be a huge downgrade I reckon…so in other words….she’s seen better days…hahaha)))
Oooooh least I leave this off the back of the dvd has a blurb that says “The best romantic comedy of the year!” …maybe if that year is in regard to the one day of the year we experience in this movie…in which case..what witty writing….however as the blurb comes from someone that is no one (((though see my blog about how anyone COULD be a someone..like that..call back action whooooo)))) (((some chick from moviesonline.ca if that doesn’t prove the evidence to the no oneness…..I dunno what would….but you know the types i reference…awful movies that they find a positive blurb for….those are where they get shit like that….some of them are straight up made up because really…..who or how many people are going to look up ‘albino movie review registry’ when there’s a blurb from casper t ghost saying how great he thought such and such is? people are to lazy to care if they happen to connect the obvious fact that the blurb is a made up blurb…oops tangent stop)))…where was I going with this…more realistically it should say “the most average but mildly enjoyable romantic comedy of the year”…but that would leave them no room for the quite lazy and small synopsis on the back of the dvd… “From director Garry Marshall comes an all-star ensemble romantic comedy.” blah blah blah blah…. They may as well have a picture of a turtle and a sign that says “I like turtles” in the little description bit ((more of the back of the dvd is dedicated to little square boxes of said “all-star ensemble))….per my (())….I’m sure it could be argued as to how “all-star” the so called ensemble are….more closely resembles…a few former quite huge stars…a few stagnant stars…a few up and comers that COULD be one day stars..and sarah jsesica parker who should NEVER EVERRRRRRRRRRRR appear as a romatnic interest for someone in a movie again…unless it’s rocky Dennis in the mask….and that would even be unfair to him. (((yeah..sarah jessica parker is not all that attractive 98% of the time..and NOOOOOOOOOT anything remotely resembling a great actress..and thus….not an all star….let’s be honest…she’s carrie to most people…and since the movie takes place in new york…it was an obvious subliminal given…no?)))
^^^my least I forget is longer than my review big..go figure..I must say I should be ashamed for going the whole sarah jessica parker isn’t attractive route..but notice I didn’t mention creatures that you might find running around a track in kentucky….point all being….it’s not a great movie…it’s not a terrible movie….it’s kind of below average in regards to “romantic comedy”..but it’s at least average in regards to “ensemble comedy”…but seeing as I’m not the lonely middle aged woman, lonely fat teenage girl, or lonely whatever with female genitalia…..I’m not the target and thus my opinion doesn’t matter. And yet I still watched the movie and wanted to watch the movie….so what does that really say about me?
Thanks for reading..if you think my “reviews” are awful….or great….be sure to force them upon your friends too….and if you think they are awful..be sure to tell me why so i can promptly ignore your suggestions as to why they suck and continue on with the nonsense that I do 😀 Even more so IF you’ve also seen one or three (yes or even two) of the above….let me know if you agree..disagree….find yourself somewhere in between on my views/thoughts/opinions of these oh so wonderful pieces of art….I do so love the film movies…..Discussing them can be fun…arguing about them can be even more fun….and Imdb used to be cool when I got notifications when someone replied to me and it wasn’t full of dipshits that seem to be there to troll….. r.I.p. the good old days of imdb….it seems rotten tomatoes slowly drove you into irrelevance ((((I used to go on imdb quite often….now I go on it quite rarely….and even more rarely do I find myself posting on it….I’m anti hipster however I become a bit of a hipster in saying….I’m not a huge fan of rotten tomatoes…and have rarely visited it…despite the massive amount of people I listen to on podcasts or just happen to talk to in general society that sing its praises….I think imdb’s decline into shit from what was once a fun place may have broken my heart and ruined the prospect of all other film-centric websites from being a regular place for me to waste my time….like how little bits of random useless information about myself comes out? Yeah you probably don’t..because why would you be reading my blogs to learn anything about me? hahahaha…..fuckers))))
Fin until our next exciting episode featuring…..perhaps my very very very very lazy reviews of the films or more so the movies of the Herbie franchise….at least the 4 or 5 my library had available for me to re-watch….uhm hmm…..and there are some other movies I’ve recently viewed that I probably wrote something about…but nothing I felt like posting…those might be coming soon….OOOOOH…literal one more thing and that i used to do or ask or suggest or say. IF there might happen to be a movie that for some ungodly reason you would LIKE to see me review..or babble about..or share my opinion of…or throw out a rating to you for and of….let me know…I’ll see what I can do…..I’ve written quite a few “reviews” some closer to an actual review and not so bad if I do say so myself…many quite rambling and all over the place…and hard to read..and awful…and so on that should never be or never have been shared with the potential public for viewing….point I meant to share was that if I had more ambition in doing so….I’d have a database to go to if one happened to give me a movie and post my nonsense about it….but as it is….I don’t…though I’ve threatened to no one in particular quite a few times that I was going to compile a book of my “reviews” to self publish…and probably drive myself into bankruptcy…..but hey gotta do something with your life right?
Okay “toodle fucking loo”:D