Your Happy is NOT my problem.

*disclaimer*..the subject header is hardly relevant to the words within…”enjoy” *disclaimer fin*

Directly inspired by absolutely nobody if not also everyone.

Everyone wants to be happy right? Everybody likes to find that other half that they then place responsibility and expectations of their happiness being kept up with and buy that other person. Maybe everyone is to huge a word to use and perhaps “most” people is more accurate. But wait with the divorce rate hovering roughly around half, usually the consensus according to studies, maybe it’s only about half the people that feel that way sometimes if not often or all the time.

What’s my fucking point? I’m not one of those most or one of those everyone. It just came to me as I was over-thinking about nothing and everything in particular. I’m selfish not selfless….and yet but then that’s so entirely the opposite of reality too…it’s one hell of a walking contradiction that composes me.

I don’t need someone else to complete me…but I don’t slight others who feel that way. I would however like to subliminally punch them in their faces for judging me. (metaphorically also..but literally subliminally…how cool could that be? Yes I clearly MUST be advocating bullying or domestic abuse by thinking that way….so fuck you if you were going to suggest that. :D). Some of us can be content if not fine or dandy…but of course NEVER both fine and dandy ((thanks George Carlin))…just living our fucking lives. I don’t hate you for your decisions so stop hating me for my lack of decisions.


Now see what I’ve done is gone off on [yet] another tangent. Though people in the past have screwed me over I didn’t let that ruin my life…I did eventually however give up on others to a small extent if not nearly entirely. (that’s really the same thing itinit?). I’m not even bitching, moaning, and/or complaining about all that; merely just stating. I might be to overpowering with my opinions…but I’ve attempted in my life to play subservient little bitch and that didn’t lead to any more success than being who the fuck I am. My opinions are correct more often than not and even if that’s not true you’re not going to change my opinion of my opinion ((see where I admit I’m completely full of shit..but then…In those cases I’m still right because I’m simply outsmarting your dumbass :DDD ))….

where was I going or where [tha fuck] were we headed…hmm….

Your happy isn’t my problem and thus so isn’t mine yours. Maybe that’s the chip that’s not in fact literally or figuratively on my hypothetical, real, or imagined shoulders. I don’t deny I can be an asshole..and yet to some people I’m not enough of an asshole…there’s just no winning…or losing for that matter….there just is…


There I go getting all faux philosophical…I feel like death is coming for me sooner than later so my capability to care for people is limited…..wait no….based on past experiences…with people…thus my lack of caring. The past is the past but is a blueprint for the future. My possible deeply rooted psychological issues aside…I hate you but it’s nothing personal. (well 99 times out of 100 and change anyway; Hate being a strong word most people don’t in fact  hate anyone…they strongly dislike or don’t care for…but hate is to despise…and even fucked up people who kill for ridiculous reasons like in the name of their religions, who am I or you to judge, or whatever stupid ass reason ((coming from a believer in theology or theologist if not only something higher….but then I also believe in the reality that the energy never [quite] dies…again my walking contradictions….but I progress from my digression))…even those “monsters” were good people or a good person at some time in their life or lives. Yep I just made a vastly radical statement. All people are inherently good……but wait good and bad is all perception; right/no?…But “for real though”..even the most terrible person you can imagine likely wasn’t terrible for someone.  (((sure and surely that can be proven to be an untruth….psychopaths or sociopaths right?…but they usually have connected with someone at some point in time…the psychosis often drawn from some source..and thus…how truly emotionless or feelingless can even the craziest person really be?..hmmmm)))

“Would you like to know more?”

I don’t even know that I’m done writing…however in a likely to be unlikely relevant to anything I’m saying or have said moment of full disclosure; my head is fuckin’ killing me. Nice dull throbbing pain in my temple like I was hit by a baseball bat a few times…nicely not consistent or it’d probably be something I should get “checked out”. Annoying more than anything else..but painful to the point of why in the fuck am I typing rather than attempting to sleep….which in a bonus episode of fun facts…I enjoy being in or escaping to the world of sleep….sometimes more than anyone else…agaiin that’s one of those subjective things…I know…but just saying…sleeping 23 hours of the day isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Makes me sound depressed right? IF I am I have some fucked up hybrid version of depression. (based on those self diagnostic like tests…I rarely am even close to the you might have a problem degree of things…and so I clearly must just in fact, as stated earlier..I think, hate you all.)


to be continued?


Nah that’s all I got. Rambling through my fingers for the sake of emptying the words from within my head. Everything easily annoys me and yet nothing at all bothers me. More walking…waking…contradictions. The addiction to the prescription is no indoctrination of the medication…’we are we are…the youth of a nation’…. Yep I got nothing much more. What is important to me at the end of the day..I’ve never met someone who sees eyes to my eyes with. Music is literally more important to me than any person or god…music IS my god….I wrote a blog entiteld that or something similar that I’ve never posted. Never mind the fact the dozens if not dozens of dozens of things I wrote (with an intent to post) but never posted. Never mind the fact ‘there’s nobody listening”….Escape from my own mind in those words are reason enough for posting to a world that doesn’t care. That’s not even depressing… “I’ve become so numb”… ((hahaha to much linkin park quoting itnit))….like ti feels like it SHOULD be…but I could care less than I care about not caring..and then *?*

“and then my friend you die [man]”..>!!

and then my friend you die.


Let’s do the time warp again “”.

but seriously “would you like to know more?”…

if so you can learn more about nothing and everything at your local library ”…

forever and infinitely “stop the [mother fucking} boat”….

MY pointless words are my legacy…hopefully wordpress don’t steal my shit like myspace did !@! ~



But then…..

****bonus creation****
Part Two Electric Boogaloo

How sad or stupid or pointless or pointful or….it is just what it is that…my legacy is blathering on the internet(s)? When I’m no longer here if there’s still others around who knew me and they happen to notice…I’m sure I’ll mostly be remembered as weirdo/asshole/freakshow. Really more just weirdo and/or asshole. Depends on what side of things you judged me from. I don’t even care…ultimately what you think of me is what you think and I can’t or won’t change your mind. Though up above I said I feel like death is coming sooner than later…I also fear I’ll be around 76 years from now and just completely miserable. Not to say that wouldn’t or couldn’t be fun…I did decide at some point I was going to live to one hundred twenty six or one twenty seven and it had something to do at some point with Haley’s comet or something else arbitrary and stupid (really with no meaning to me to make it anything more than meaningless so)..and/or/then just to say upon turning 126 or 127… “HA I told you mother fuckers I would make it” and then keel over and die….THat’s “goals” in life itinit? To live to be bitter, old as fuck, and only to do so for the sake of doing so. #LifeIsfunny.

“you damn kids get off my lawn”…….

But wait back to the subject header…your happy isn’t my problem…so “there you go”

entertainment media keeps me chugging along….like the train in that movie…which I suddenly can’t fucking remember the name of..directed by that Korean guy….. Snowpiercer *bam*…there we go. Without useless shit such as music, movies, television, and professional wrestling (just to name a few but the ones that are seemingly most important to me)…I’d have nothing to keep me going since I don’t like any of you….and live selfishly for me….”the energy never dies”

Rock n’ roll bitches…. rock n’ roll


to be continued in …. I fucking hate all of you part two …electric boogaloo :D~


not to add a fourteenth ending worries for me if you happen to read…I’m fine if not dandy…if my head didn’t hurt like it currently was I’d probably be certifiably fine and dandy…but I’m not a dandy…so can I really be dandy? hmmmm…Lifes mysteries that nobody really cares to know…next time on UNSOLVED MYSTERIES… BUt seriously I’m as okay as I ever am as of this typing…I just quite enjyo writing epic piles of nonsense…for as I stated it shall be my legacy…after I’m randomly gunned down by a drive by or something likely more unexciting or news worthy…assuming wordpress doesn’t steal them from me….these blogs shall remain…to inspire nobody but to walk through my mind and revel in the journey that goes absolutely nowhere…hahahahaha “Maniacal laughter” “Maniacal laughter”

@ThanksForReading … :D~

[[[[actualization I wrote a follow up that was a realization to myself that I then thought could be a follow up to this..and thus if it occurs….maybe I’ll just call it “part two electric boogaloo”….yes I think that will do just fine….probably not dandy…and certainly not fine and dandy.. #bazinga ]]]]][[[[[[[and I’ve obviously done that haven’t I? Thus why would I include this actualization postscript? Because hey why not :D]]]]]]]

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“An Open casting video by way of letters to your reality show that I’m a huge fan of….’

[[[Where this came from or how this came about was rather organic as I was writing a satire of casting videos based on what you should probably NOT if definitely not do. See it kind of as a rough script that became more of an open letter but without going back and changing lots of blanking blanks and blankety blanks… either get the picture or you won’t understand at all….I don’t think there’s a grey area where it can be misconstrued or misconceived as being anything else more than what it is…or has become….and now thus I’m writing tonal-y  in my created pansexual pre-op gender fluid lover of love….If offense is found within that’s your issue and cross to bear because I’m simply making or marking if not masking social commentary….read observations of the world through myne eyes and you’re free to disagree with it but I don’t really care if you take issue with any of it so you can take it leave it or roll it up into a joint to smoke and puff puff pass or keep to yourself….or if you’re really a hater you can grind it out beneath your foot and march on with your life. Haha. Seriously I’ve made this way more than it was…writing is magic like that sometimes. Enjoy thusly {spell-check said thusly isn’t a word…merriam webster says it is..and thus-ly I added it to my spell-check dictionary…side tangent I felt important to point} or don’t….as often if not always I must point out to me myself and no one that I don’t believe and sincerely doubt it’s being read or seen by anyone’s eyes other than my own at a later point in time anyway…so IF you are and you do..enjoy or hate it for what it is and not what it isn’t….

#Thanks     ]]]

Hey reality show x. I’ve been a fan since season blank when blank and blank engaged in blank with blank.

I would be a great fit for your show because I am entertaining funny and a people person but also blank blank blank and blanking blank.

When I was thirteen years old blank and I nearly died when blank happened to me on a blank next to a ferris wheel when blank and blank blank.

Further more when I was nineteen I was the first junior world champion of blank at my college the blank of blank where I went on to get a doctorate in blank and honorary degree in blank blankety blank blank blank…

uhmm….yeah….. and all my friends say I’m so awesome and I uhm…should on such and such show and blank blankety blank blank blank

Thanks for your consideration and I look forward to blanking from blank as soon as blank so I can blank blankety blank blank blank and blank too.

see also

I’m a pre-op pansexual who is in love with love not genders. While it’s possible I was molested when i was younger and just don’t remember it I chose to believe I live this lifestyle by my CHOICE because it is the way I was born…i mean uhm..yeah I was born this way I don’t CHOOSE to live this way…even though I do..

I was engaged to a post op panhumandroid who came from the year 2053 and met me that year and was so in love with me had to find a way to travel back in time and marry me now. Unfortunately uhm…they ended up in prison for scamming stupid people and robbing seniors citizens ALLEGEDLY..however I still love him her or it but because I’m in love with love I am able to spread my love to others still and not because I’m mentally unbalanced, wired wrong, or a love addict…nope I’m perfectly fine despite what my old so called friends, family, and mental health professionals have claimed.

If you don’t cast me I might have to cut myself because in not casting me you’re devalidating my existence and thus you must be punished….I mean I would never harm myself because something didn’t go my way the voices from beyond told me that I would be on your show or the world would crumble into decay and despair thus it’s your RESPONSIBILITY to put me on your show.

Not that I could use the money but I really need the money that I would get when I win the show and if I didn’t win I would probably have to seek legal counsel against your network and possibly cast a spell on your casting department.

OF sane mind I declare I am the best there is and the best there can ever be for your program so if you were to defy the Gods and Goddesses by not casting me you would surely pay when dogmatic karma or witchcraft caught up with you.

With regards Spectra queen of the isle of riches.

[[But for real though…I’m a better writer than “actor” or on screen like talent. Surely most people would disagree with me having any talent but for the sake of argument and because I like to pat myself on my own back and toot my own horn just bear with me. As this was part two of my conceptual jumble….the idea was to make a satirical casting video and post it on YouTube in a mocking manner of all the people that don’t understand casting people do NOT want you putting your actual casting video out on the interwebs for anyone to see. That is NOT the way to get on any program according to most the people who know what they’re talking about if not only the people that actually have something to do with casting. With that and HOWEVER they could be liars right? I think if you’re trying to be a YouTube sensation there’s nothing wrong inherently with you doing it but if you legitimately are trying to get on one of the CBS big three you’re barking up, allegedly, the wrong tree and in the entire wrong forest. What the fuck do I know however what I’ve been relayed indirectly from those who do the casting. I could be wrong and their truths could only be half truths..hell I should ENCOURAGE all my theoretical potential competition to do all the things you’re not supposed to..BUT where’s the fun in that? I’m one who stupidly likes the idea of to be the best you gotta beat the best…or at least theoretically I don’t need an unfair advantage but then reality is closer to everything is already going against me….If only I was as brilliant at all times live and in person as I can be almost all the time in writing. Not to say I am or am not as I portray in words but it’s much easier to go uninterpreted when there’s no one trying to talk over you..ya know and ya dig?]]

~~~forever and always

“Would you like to know more?”    and of course

“STOP THE”(motherfuckin)”Boat!”



I may have in fact posted a satirical casting video or two..perhaps three on my facebook. Full disclosure they came about when attempting to make a video for big brother 17. None of them were in fact what I sent in however so I don’t belive I broke the cardinal rule of not sharing my casting video and really if anything IF they were seen by someone from casting incidentally they could work as supplemental information….all while being complete nonsense…i.e. and read the stuff I posted was done in character that wasn’t who I am as a character…ya dig? Intentionally over the top and ridiculous for the sake of ridiculous….not that I haven’t thought to send exactly that kind of video in for casting…and then…actually I kind of did ultimately settle on something that was a little bit ridiculous…gotta keep things interesting or something right? TMI and breaking that forth wall..being aware of who my casting character would be were I to be pigeonholed….Unpredictable and spontaneous bouts of insanity…ie and thus I don’t believe in playing character x when I can be characters a through z. That probably ultimately hurts my casting chances but then as much as I want to partake in fictionalized reality I’d much rather still be playing myself than a character that is representative of myself. Perhaps now I’ve said too much. I know who I am even if I can’t or choose not to boil it down into something simple and high concept as “pro wrestling nerd that also loves music”….but oops and oh wait…I kind of just did didn’t I? [I feel like if that was my “character” it’d be quite boring to more people than who would find it not. I don’t however think i am or find myself to be a boring person…but then I’m a walking contradiction of reality and imagined if not just falsely perceived reality. To say I think to much about that could if not would be an understatement. Ultimately I “just don’t give a fuck” but I’d like to see evidence that someone appreciates where I’m coming from or what I’m saying in life……it’s a whole lot of I don’t really care but obviously I do really care while ultimately not in fact caring…..”and it makes you feel better”)


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They always come back…but sometimes they don’t…

Even when they do.

My life seems to be caught in an infinity loop [I first typed circle knowing well that I meant loop..but maybe they are two different things?]. Without looking that up I’m not sure there’s really such a thing but movies and popular media would suggest there is.

On a very different side note I seem to be going blind…I’m noticing my vision not being so great more times than not….or less times than more. I don’t know. Some things I can see just fine and some things I can see fine about seventy five percent of the time and then I think or guess…my eyes must get exhausted while my body is only a touch tired and my mind is wide awake.

The aside actually could contribute to the point I began making. The story I started telling. The existence I lead. [I don’t know what’s up with this sentence/paragraph break…oh well I’m keeping it]

Things seem to be getting better and then BAM back to negative square one….and seem better..and bam…and better and bam…and so on INFINETLY..but that’s not even what I had inteneded on going on and on about.

Let’s distract from the main track again and say I too keep thinking about writing something under the header of “what keeps you going”….or perhaps what keeps ME going….but same difference of the theme that’s held within.

Horrible paragraph breaks are my friend. They do me wrong less often than actual people and thus my lack of friends that aren’t inanimate or imagined…

Where was I going? Things in a ridiculous repetitive cycle. What keeps me going is a damned good question because it’s sure not anyone but myself despite occasional glimpses that someone else might motivate me…

Music, movies, and professional wrestling kind of keep me sane and keep me occupied *?*. See also College football, a bit of video games (though mostly…circle and cycle)..really the industry of entertainment of the popular vein gets me through> Like that show Dream On where hew as raised by the television; I wasn’t quite raised by it but it’s almost always there for me when nothing and no one else is. Sad or pathetic or whatever through the eyes of you who “Don’t watch tv” but good for you being better than me. Uhmkay I don’t care what you don’t partake in any more than you would want to hear me preach to you about what I myself don’t partake in (for those of you who were wondering if not outright asking I don’t drink, drug, or smoke…I do gamble…I don’t know that any other vice like activities I’m not or am a participant in but I’m obsessively compulsive if not compulsively obsessive….combined with and on top of easily “addicted” (note the quotes because I’m less certifiably an addict than compelled towards the attributes of addiction)

Asides aside…though back on the aside. I’d have a gambling problem if I didn’t sometimes and usually more often than not find myself coming out ahead. I do suffer that trait of addiction where the losing brings more “pleasure” often times if not always than the win. Money is a mother fucker and the root of all evil…and yet I’ve learned to live the life of a pauper rather than pretend to be a prince. Yeah or something and some such nonsense like that.

Now where we and where was I?


People are..people am…I am every day people….woooah oh..


I seem to have lost that spark or that fuse I was traveling seems to been snubbed out before hitting the explosion. All theoretically theological (incorrectly used word that is in fact and in deed)

People disappear from my life…but often reappear in my life. “Dead and gone” could be preferential to their reappearance if they’re just going to go away again. I’m sure I don’t allow myself in or people in either because of that feeling that isn’t just a feeling but a reality. Sometimes I go digging up the past…sometimes they bring themselves back around. Inevitably in both, either, and/or neither case things crumble or fail to…..I don’t know what whatever.

In all fairness sometimes it’s perfectly logical and expected. Multiple people I would be blamed by those people for driving them away but usually even in those situations they wanted an escape escape hatch….a validated excuse for them to go “Poof”…and they often claim to never look back but then….they come back around….


Everybody wants something. Everyone is out for something that benefits themselves. Note I didn’t say they’re all out to get me. I’m quite sub-sequential to their needs. I’m easily tossed aside at the end of the day and thusly why I treat or have treated other people the same. IT’s not even “I’ll get you before you get me” it’s really just a whole lot of “well there you go” “as expected”…no big loss to my life because that shoe was hovering and constantly waiting to drop anyway…
^^^There’s allegedly counseling or therapy that helps people work through that kind of FEELING but with me in my life it’s substantively not just a feeling but quite the reality. Self fulfilling prophecy a little bit or maybe a lot much in some peoples opinions but I KNOW my reality and you really, bazinga if not ironically, don’t.

That is all there is to that though never all there is to say about that.


So what’s set me off? I’m not angry or bitter though admittedly jaded I’m a little bit sad perhaps. Yep though I am quite an emotional monster I do experience sadness…maybe if only imagined sadness but sadness none the less. ON the flip side of that though I likely come off as miserable to many people I experience happiness too. SHOOOOCKING… I know….mostly I’m merely content if not slightly dissatisfied but “whatcha gonna do”?
A bit of rewind. What gets me through “” or what keeps me going or whatever I said a bit before where we are now. I don’t do or work in any of those fields that keep me moving. I grew up hearing from those who supposedly know best “do something you love” but reality is rarely if ever “do something you love” it’s “do something that pays you and you can tolerate if not love”. The employment I’ve had in my life that I at least “enjoyed” on a level where that was applicable never have lasted. I don’t know what the fuck message the world was is and continues to send me with that nonsense. It could be speculated that I’m a self saboteur for those things I “enjoyed” but things were never in my hands to control; should of been predicted because easily predictable but I tried to believe that wouldn’t be the end result…I lost my way in that sentence but point being things I enjoy apparently aren’t enjoyed by the people who paid me to partake in. [sans a mild bit of editing that last sentence-ish was even more of a mess]

ya dig?


infinitely babbling about nonsense nobody and no one could give a fuck about in regards to my life. IT’s alright I understand. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own little worlds…it’s amazing what I can “get away with” right in the faces of those who pay no attention to anyone but themselves. (One if not many could argue I’m the same as those people. I think I disagree as no matter how much I say the hell with everyone else and how much I genuinely dislike most other people…I believe in people. Ya know? Faith though I’m faithless that people aren’t the massive assholes that most of them seem to be. more projection could be argued but we’re not currently discussing that so I progress via the digression…or digress to progress….I dunno)


In closing to no one in particular. I’m sorry if I got all up in my own head and thought there was a reason behind anything. Inspiration for writing is always appreciated anyway. Getting back to the point I didn’t ever get to or might have touched upon. People constantly come back…it’s more surprising if not disappointing when they seek me out but ultimately have no reason in doing so. …nay…that’s possibly an untruth. Mother fucking magical in any case; itinit?

bonus footage.

what the hell am I going on about and jibbering[gibbering?] and jabbering about? Wouldn’t you like to know? “” No probably not right….Not that there’s anyone reading this nonsense. I wouldn’t expect anyone to waste their precious time (not taking a dig on myself by stating such..>I just know reality in spite of living closely beside it in imagination land)

“It’s all the little things that kill”….although it’s the little things that are #awesome too. The small handful of people in my life or around my life…orbiting my life….infinity looping back towards me like a planet to their moon…(or vice versa I’m no scientist..hahahaha :P)..that seemed to be in the same book if not often on the same page as me in said book…those few who “got me”….or did the best job at pretending they did. I greatly appreciate you more than you may be able to ever understand….while ironically at the same time kind of not giving a fuck…because again preventative measure….

Now then on the flip-side of that…a few of those people tend to stick around on the outskirts of the town that is me….have started their own villages and really have become self sufficient enough that they don’t need me…I kind of tend to wonder why? You’re free…no need to keep eyes on me…


my brain just went kaboom…I hope for anyone who isn’t my-selves sake that nobody has read and is currently reading all of this…if you have….I got nothing else for you at least currently (well okay that’s not entirely accurate because there’s a teeny bit more if not just my usual sign off).
“I hate. Everything about you.”


“Would you like to know more?”

(no really would you?)
and don’t forget to STOP that mother fucking boat!

“and then my friend you die man…..AND THEN MY FRIEND YOU DIE!”

bonus quote-ish. If ya know it….you are worthy…if ya don’t but you read through all that nonsense above and didn’t just skip to this….I guess you can set up camp in the outskirts with those who no longer…I don’t know what..but it’s a bit like burning man my metaphor. I’m the man….you are the camps set up on the outskirts…there’s a few weirdos that may even be willing to set up camp much closer to the man but mostly it’s just the people on the outskirts….and I think the people in the infinity circle err..loop….they just get a bit distracted..misguided…lost from their path and they see the reservoir that is me as a nice reprieve from their daily struggles….SHit man that really said it all without saying it all. #Deeeeep.

enough of my jibber and gibber jabber. Go out and tell a stranger you appreciate but hate them. It will do wonders for their psyches….bah hahahahahahahahah


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Some people just don’t get it….

[[[***preface*** More about reactions to actions than the initial action. Remaining cryptic because the blog I should have written to post before this where you could connect a to b hasn’t happened. I may or may not share the details as they were but long short. Unfriended based on a lie the person told me..and then blocked because I called her out on her bullshit (essentially if not basically)…how many times can I post the same post right? hahahaha :P ***end preface***]]]
…Particularly in the online arena with people I’ve never met. My “feelings” are non existent. Some of you I may like or prefer to others but I’m always just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everyone evetually “leaves” or stickS around but stops talking to me. Some people might say that means I’m a massive asshole with issues to work out and I’m not looking for an argument or debate about that fact(or fiction). I’m merely pointing out; true colors always eventually shine through and the only reason it may “bother” me is because I’m me from the jump. I never put on a mask of niceness that I don’t posses for the sake of others. I don’t kiss your ass, I don’t blow smoke up your ass, and I don’t ever claim to be anything more than who and what I am.
For that last sentence perhaps particularly and because I KNOW I’m not people friendly (or something there’s a word that escapes me…I’m an acquired taste…I’m the firestarter…the twisted firestarter “”). I don’t invite myself into others lives. Disclaimer to add for the most part anyway that’s true and if not I TRY not to invade on peoples personal space….that doesn’t mean I won’t argue, disagree, or act the fool and be an asshole on the public forums as they were but I rarely to never go out of my way and try to become someone’s friend; I let people come to me and when they grow dissatisfied with me I mock them for their stupidity :D (I’m just kidding..mostly…if you choose to bring your life into my life you WILL Become eventual fodder if I feel it’s warranted…and see in particular people who prod or provoke me on the way down or out….you’re just asking for it…you should be honored…or something..maybe not…I don’t really care though pbthh)

This is the part where the bass drops…..

What’s my point. If I don’t know you in person I give about two fucks ultimately about your reactions to my actions. If I do or have known you in person I don’t think I’m very much if at all any different. Again I say or suggest that might not be healthy but I’m ultimately content with my life so if it offends you….that’s your problem NOT my problem. (that being said I’m pretty nice about most things still even with those who aren’t close strangers…but A-gain. You provoke me you will get things you don’t want to hear unless I’m completely indifferent in which case…”well there you go”

Inspired by one person but could be applied to many. I’m fine with who I am if you’re not fine with who I am guess what? That’s also fine. When you put up a front it ultimately only hurts you not me. I see through most bullshit anyway so ever vigilant I am. Beed any much more be said? I reckon probably not as quite often “I’ve already said enough’.

I enjoy taking cheap shots and cheap jabs ass asshats when I feel it’s warranted. In spite of all that I just said i DO however fear that some people stick around out of fear. They know I know stuff or I’ve got dirt on them. Given what I just said it would suggest maybe they should be right? Alas no that’s not what I’m saying. There ARE certainly people who have departed from my life who I could easily create unwanted drama and possibly bring misery but I’m not malicious.

^*Some might disagree and say I am in fact quite malicious…maybe I won’t argue with you..but I stand by given some of the stuff I know..some of the potential ammo in my arsenal against you….maybe I take a higher moral ground? I feel like but don’t know for sure that the same can’t be said of others. Back in the days of myspace there was at least one saboteur….currently I still have one friend who I know spread things I said to them to others but because I stand by the fact I won’t say something behind someones back I wouldn’t say directly to them….I’m kind of fine with that. Sometimes it’s better to let others do your dirty work; you know?


In conclusion if at leat not in closing I must say. I’m clearly a more complicated and complex person than some people are able to accept….okay that’s perhaps a lie if not at least an exaggeration. Maybe and likely I’m just a massive asshole but I NEVER EVER claim to be anything less. If you don’t like it there’s the door. If it offends you maybe your sensibilities are a bit to delicate. if I offend you on a personal level nine times out of ten I didn’t mean to do so and 9.9 times of ten it wasn’t my intent.
Perception is a mother fucker sometimes. Intent easily misunderstood. The world needs cynics to balance out people who see everything as bubbly and happy. Dontcha think?

(added post postscripts. I ain’t mad at ya though..things are just as they are meant to be..some eventualities should have happened sooner than eventually. If i ever broght anything to your life positive, negative, and/or other. I’ve served my purpose. Aimed souly at the primary inspiration that led to me writing this piece in particular. Your really stupid to pointless lie was the catalyst. Someone out there would say I’m playing the victim. Nope. I’m playing reality. I’m not vilanizing anyone thus I’m not playing victim. I am sometimes illogical but at the end of the day I live with logic and reality not absurd speculations and assumptions…..or maybe I’m totally full of shit…but in any case I’m not claiming to be a victim or blaming anyone for anything…ooops that IS a direct response to the other person who a lot of this could corelate with.)

…but of course a bonus postscript; in the crazy off the wall chance the purveyor of “fabulous” reads this…I’ve got a fabulous response directly for you that I’ve chose to held back. The written above was set off by yet another person that could no longer hang with me…haha…although at least minuscule bits were inspired if not directly indirectly by words you targeted at me. (see also I had a reaction that was written with intent of posting but being a virtual waste of breath..I’ve kept it to myself…I had a response that was civil for ‘fabulous’….but I’m respecting your desire to keep me out of your life. See people who might be reading….I can take the higher moral ground sometimes…HA)
“Stop the”mother fucking”boat”

“Would you like to know more?”……

[[[rereading this…it’s as “beautiful” as I thought it was as I wrote it..sans where I go astray..but I think solid opening and at least decent closing…but then I enjoy my words more than anyone else possibly could I reckon]]]

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My strange, silly *?*, obsession; Big Brother (the reality show on CBS)….

(I wrote this roughly three weeks ago. I don’t know if there’s a point in my pointing that fact out…but alas I have…so there you have it and “there you go”)

Regular readers or people who know me know I want to be on Big Brother. I’ve gone so far as to say, in the past at least, that it was my destiny. As that destiny is constantly (though not nearly as many times as it has been for others) shit upon when I don’t get on the show my faith has waned; so also has my desire…well at least slightly.
A good portion of the year I talk at least weekly about big brother. I take a few months off between the end of the season and the new year give or take a bit..because well that just seems about the appropriate amount of time to step back from it.

(enjoy how badly written this is :D)

This year, season 17, I literally waited until the last day submissions were accepted to apply. In theory that makes no difference BUT one of the semi final rounds was tentatively scheduled to take place before the submission period closed…so you do that math…in any case I stressed about making a “good” video and then went with one that could be seen perhaps as amusing if not entertaining…or at least in the worst best case scenario whomever watched surely thought to themselves “what an ass(hole)”. IN life bad impressions aren’t great but in reality television casting…good or bad is better than indifferent and I like to speculate that someone somewhere responded to me rather than not….maybe that’s not the case and I’m just plain awful BUT….despite or in spite of my waning enthusiasm….or more so faith…..there’s little tings….

Such as? Casting is closed, semi finalists contacted, but I’ve had several dreams since that point where I was called by someone from kassting…perhaps even robyn herself two out of three times…but alas that’s just my subconscious working itself into a tizzy and trying to balance out the endorphin’s right? Well also pretty seemingly randomly three of my big brother 17 related tweets were favorited by one of those accounts associated with one of the many sites that cover big brother. No big deal right? Probably not and not really because it wasn’t even from one of the sites I recognize BUT…were I asking from a sign from the great beyond or above that I shouldn’t lose my faith….that little bit of randomness kind of was exactly that. Sure it’s all open for interpretations but being as they weren’t even recent tweets (one was a couple months old, one was probably one month old, one was more recent than the other two) I took it as a nod of encouragement form something or someone beyond myself….


This is where I go off the proverbial deep end and I will keep the specifics too myself (unless asked in which case I might elaborate) but as I was in the shower minutes ago ((as of my typing this because who knows when or if I’ll post this..although I plan on doing so asap…but that’s been in the plans before and never happened)) it hit me that the numbers tell me that next year WILL be (((IS in fact already predestiny; never mind how i feel about destiny..haha))) my year. True or false is irrelevant because if nothing else it brought an odd calm upon me. The numbers don’t lie…they’re just wrong often…hahaha….but seriously…I think I’ve decided if it doesn’t happen next year than clearly it’s never going to. ((((never mind multiple people in my life that would push upon me if one attempt fails than why bother. Nobody REALLY supports my “obsessioN”..and nobody really seems to believe I can make it…which perhaps is one of those driving forces behind why I would keep trying…as I go off track often in parenthesis and perhaps better for out of I shall also add I’ve jokingly said/put out there too that maybe by the time I get on, since of course I will, it will be old fogeys versus the kids and as I’m not quite old enough to be an old fogey yet it’s not my time to be cast. My “youth” as it were definitely is past me so it would only make sense for me to be the old(er) man in the house…or something…people in their 40’s versus their 20s perhaps?..)))) So where was I headed or going and what have I already covered? Perhaps I’ve forgotten per in parenthesis set four I’m older and my memory is probably going…haha…but nah I kid one more thing I had meant to say before going off on the upteenth [umpteenth?]tangent in my life was that I didn’t really think this year was my year anyway. I did in at least two of my previous tries if not all three…or at least I had a much better “feeling” than I did this year AND I originally felt/thought this year would be another all-stars season in which case it wouldn’t even matter. I have to hope that’s the case when I don’t get a call because then I can rationally rationalize to myself “well there you go”…and one of the seasons that worked too because who they were going after wasn’t who I was…or something….
blah blah blah blah blah

#RandomNotRandom bonus fun facts. I’ve also applied to/tried out for/whatever whatever-ed the amazing race and survivor. Survivor I only did to say how much I’d like to be on big brother because hey why not but also same kastting people or some crossover. The amazing race my potential partner, my cousin, infamously or famously told the people recording us “I’m camera shy” and the improbable odds we probably had to begin with skyrocketed likely to impossible. Having gone to a few open casting calls now I kind of enjoy them. I kind of wish I were an actor just so I could go to auditions (which I guess i COULD go to auditions even not being an actor…but there’s not a lot of casting calls around here that I’ve been privy to and…well I’m not a fucking actor am I so it would be a complete and utter waste of time..but still maybe “fun”) My desire to be on big brother ((or the amazing race…really almost no desire for survivor…although I’d like to be the first to complete the CBS trifecta….which I’m pretty sure has yet to occur)) isn’t because I think or want to be an actor. I’d for sure enjoy the temporary bump that would round out or complete my share of fifteen minutes of fame…but more so the big brother driving force was “they cast THEM? I can do that shit” which has become a little bit more “I’d like to play the game for the experience”/”challenge”…etcetera etcetera….

I’ve gone off track in my head if not also on screen yet again….nothing fully new has been exposed here and I’ll eventually touch slightly further upon why the numbers tell me next year is the year…but first how’s about something entirely different?.



Nah I’m just kidding. There was a show on fox about 13 years ago now *?* “Paradise Hotel”.[per wikipedia 2003 and then 2008…so rather than correct myself I’m keeping the ‘about 13 years ago now *?* because it’s still pretty accurate at roughly 12 years itinit? and then the next season was a few more than just a few years later but semantics right?]

There was an unfortunate looking fellow on that show named Dave. There was a person I talked to on the interwebs, who no longer is in my orbit, a lot about that show. We were both convinced that I was surely much more awesome than Dave so i would have been perfect for that show. They did a season two a few years after the first on the fox reality channel. (I think that’s what it was called). I don’t know that I have a point but I do seem to remember season one ending with a bit of a “to be continued” type cliff hanger…because that’s “reality”…haha..but seriously I think or thought it was in my destiny to be on that show…but it went away…so “well there you go”….



So yeah. ‘It’s in the numbers’. My first year trying out for Big Brother it was also in the numbers and then when Jenn City was on the show I KNEW my destiny had been sidetracked by outside forces….or as I like to put it my destiny was “shit on”….my life I’ve made decisions based on the number three…the conspiracy of three…the power of 3,3,3…..the trifecta of doom…..the unholy trilogy…..whatever whatever….the number three was the root of the equation and I believe I made it work somehow for season 15 or maybe last year for season 16 but I know it didn’t work for both and I couldn’t seem to come up with something that made sense with “17”…BUT…. the number three, my age to be, and eighteen….it’s all in the numbers. With just a little bit of a reach it all makes perfect, albeit likely crazy, sense…and so. Next year my friends….next year…..


“would you like to know more?”

Bonus thought. Whatever is lacking above I’ve previously covered. For the most part. I believe. If I haven’t whoops I guess but there’s at least two or three, maybe more, previous big brother related blog posts I’ve dropped that go deeper or into further details or what have you. A lot of over thinking and mass speculation in one to all of those too but the intent of the above wasn’t any of that. The subject title may be misleading BUT then….look at the crazy I brought and I’d say that supports the use of “obsession”….itinit?. That’s all I got and yet I gots so much more (of the same; #ha).

“stop the (muther fuckin) boat!’


Fin son!~

…”and one more thing”……..

I seem to have forgotten what it was I was going to add… another “well there you go”…I’m sure it was brilliant as fuck shit however… …oh…not it wasn’t. It was simply more on the fact that I didn’t think this was my year anyway because of some stupid not really prepared to jump into it quite yet type shit….but of course that would change in the moment i was asked to join the cast…lol…. one more year I’ve got to “take care of” random shit that one make that transition more difficult than need be.

The the the end ;)

*bonus* spell check material

I forever will seem to spell incorrectly belive as I forget one of the e’s “believe”…also spellcheck doesn’t recognize “fogey” but google validated me on that one. A few other spelling kerfuffles that spelling check always brings me too but there’s a good chance if my spelling is incorrect in what remains it was a creative choice or….something :)

*bonus bonus** my previous post was roughly 4 and a half months ago but I wrote a bunch of stuff that I never posted because…I didn’t get around to doing so in a timely manner OR I just figured and/or gave in to the feeling of what’s the point….what’s the point in pointing this out? I haven’t stopped writing. I blatantly wrote blog entries to be that could one day still see the light of the inter-web but….probably not because…see what I just said. See Also a quick(ish) overview of the Big Brother season seventeen houseguests as seen by me via just their basic official big brother bios that for at least one past season I have done but didn’t ever post (becaause I don’t post all that much about the actual show here…there’s tons of sites that already do that and do it far better than I do plus my opinons are expressed via twitter, @originaljahwoo , and on facebook, /jahwoo , ifin you care). Blah to the blah blah but there’s a few other ideas I started and either didn’t quite finish but just never posted like “wmp shuffle” BUT that one there’s a good chance at least one entry of planned multiple entries will in fact be posted.

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If I had infinite booking power…a massive thrown by me

Some of these groups are probably not currently active…a few I’ve added my own spin just because. Four groups of five as they came to me more or less. Could be four stages but more logically there’s a pretty obvious stage a and stage b for a two day festival. Yes let’s go with that just because shant we?


Day one


Stage A.


Fatboy Slim

The Chemical Brothers

The prodigy


The Gorillaz (live with a band or maybe just Damon albar doing a th set)

((On that note live sets where possible and I think all of them can pull off some live set two of them I’ve seen)) (probably in bottom to top order wise)


B Stage

Josh Wink

The Presets

The Avalanches


George Clinton & P Funk

(Probably too to bottom)


***two stages on one massive stage like I’ve seen at warped tour and an actual massive or two large stages side by side…which maybe would make this an outdoor festival, no longer mere massive since two days, like Ultra & or EDC


Day 2


B Stage


Calvin Harris


Donald Gaulde


(Bottom to top)


Stage A


Daft Punk with a live band playing the music they claim, or others claim, would be impossible to perform live (see random acess memories. Clearly a couple of big name performers would be part of the group or just for their songs ie pharrel)((also playing a few of their hits)

The Crystal Method with an orchestra. Because I’ve seen multiple dj sets & live sets so hey how about something completely unrealistic and weird?


The Future Sound of London



And then just because one group I had left out that I’d love to see.. Bonus acts… 4 of them and then a bonus bonus…but then one more just hit me so that becomes 2 and well




Dirty Vegas

Apollo 440

Eiffel 65 versus aqua :D


Bonus bonus

Zero 7 with ellie goulding & sia


And then


Beck dj set


That’s 10 more artists most of which aren’t a thing anymore…so we’ll there you go…maybe it’s just become a three day festival with a pretty weird day 3…or if not take the four bonus acts and you get 12 each day by way of two day affair.


(I didn’t put nearly as much thought into this as it might seem…lol)

((Typed on a notepad on and posted from my phone….lol…tags will be added later and whatever edits I need to if that’s important for me to point out. ..bah hahaha ha))

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Camp Dread; a pretty half assed review for a slightly better than average flick.

In stark contrast to the previously posted ‘review’ we have this (in number of words and content I mean) where I’m a little bit all over the place..but it happens :D

On the cover of the Dvd beneath the title  it says “Pitch your tent. Dig your Grave”. Sarastic spoiler alert…there’s no tent pitching or grave digging. So if that’s the tag for the flick it’s a big fat lie of a tag. Moving on…
Interesting albeit not all that groundbreaking and maybe a few days late to the party concept….sufficient bad horror movie acting, really low budget special effects that make the original low budget special effects look good…lots of stupid and badly written dialogue that is delivered in a possibly purposely cheesy way…entertaining enough in spite of its shortcomings. (also horror is barely an appropriate tag for this. It’s closer to old school laugh inducing splatter fests than things that go bump in the night, hauntings/haunts ((the proper plural but I prefer hauntings)), or literally of a horrifying nature)

3.9 ish more than generous *’s of 5.


5 points of a *

performance    3.85    The cast are playing would be reality tv stars…which in of itself is a Pandora’s box as even the most real reality stars are playing parts and thus not just themselves.

plot        4-    It is what it is. Oh you don’t know? The director of the “Summer Camp” trilogy of the 80s wants to relaunch his career and is attempting to do so with a reality show at the camp where the movies took place. That sounds much worse than it really is. On a side note as I allude to up top in my half assed review review I thought this was all an homage or allegation of the sleepaway camp movie(s)……aaand it seems it is…I don’t have the time to dig deeper right now nor did I when I wrote this earlier but I have not at least confirmed one of the “stars” of the movie was in sleepaway camp…Felissa Rose

setting        4.2     See above. That makes for a great setting..and though I also put score and soundtrack under setting the emphasis here or the meat of my rating is for exactly where it is. It’s not particularly spooky or anything it’s just the legend behind where we watch the story unfold.

execution    3.7595    It is what it is

enjoy/engage/entertain(ment) 3.99    Almost not a good movie and really I couldn’t recommend it to most people BUT if you consider yourself to be a “horror fan” as I seem to be than you will at the least not completely hate it? haha. Ringing endorsement itinit? I could see easily how anyone could say it was none of those three things…but that’s for the people that can’t look beyond the cheapness..which in of itself could be considered another layer on top of layers.

avg: 3.967

combined rating: 79.57

(would you look at that my gut break down 3.967…yep..the system works? hahaha)



A horror lover’s friggin’ paradise!” The Horror Honeys

Well I enjoyed it but I wouldn’t, as I didn’t, go as far as exactly what that quote says. But horror lovers shouldn’t hate it.

“A fun, funny, and at times unpredictable good time that goes for broke” – Dread Central

Fun. I guess? Funny? Not quite as much as it could have been. At times unpredictable? Probably not..although I didn’t quite see where it was headed…I wasn’t trying to so much as playing the I wonder who the killer is game AND “maguffins” a plenty are planted..which is another layer of why this is better than average.


One last thought. Seriously the budget on this movie seems to be only a few thousand bucks. It’s not scary by any means probably more kitschy than anything but it effectively does something if not exactly what it sets out to do.

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