|||||||disclaimer..don’t expect this to really cover that matter of age being a mother fucker…don’t expect me to cover anything of relevance or importance…don’t expect anything more than me babbling with keystrokes on my keyboard to a digital piece of paper….yep..this is a good old fashioned pile of nonsense….but on that note of nonsense as I was babbling I forgot to throw out my favourite possibly bullshit ideal/thought/whatever..and that is “I am an artist”….and blah blah blah that goes with that….I think maybe everyone is an artist in some way or another…just most people don’t think of art in a non linear manner…or they think…I don’t know what…come to think of it…maybe everyone isn’t an artist..I’m just giving to much credit to the possibility that there’s an artist in everyone?…..really depends on your interpretation of what “art” means itinit?….anywho..yeah..this is just me babbling or venting…if you’ve read this much you may as well go on….if not…than you’re not reading this and….you’re not reading this…and so on and so on and shooby dooby dooooooo…..if you do decide to read after reading this…you can’t say you haven’t been warned..but enjoy the ride that is the gondola ride inside the confines of my head..||||||||||||||||||||||| [[[also I've probably written something just like this..with the same title..and posted previously..as is I wrote this probably a month ago? I'm not sure..but it's been on my flash drive waiting to be shared..or not...or something..I dunno...bugger off if you take issue with that anyway ]]]
and then you die….after getting to some age I mean….yeah..that makes perfect sense..I unfortunately said multiple times I want to live to 127 or 126…just so I can be a bitter old man and scream about how awful everything is…and then on said 126th or 127th birthday I’d say “HAhahahaha Told you I’d make it” to no one in particular..and then promptly keel over dead….
That’s the dream itinit? Live to a ripe old age..and die….the end..do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars (((depending on what you believe happens post life…I’m not here to tell you you’re wrong or to sell you my views…science proves, if not just a song by the black eyed peas [[on a total side note..I quite like music by the black eyed peas but haven't listened to them in months....perhaps around a year]], that ‘energy never dies’….I’m of course basing this on…nothing concrete..don’t ask me to point out scientific papers stating that..but I’m sure google will lead you to some if you don’t believe me :D)))….
Where were we….to grow old and bitter..the American dream….okay I keed..or do I? If not I digress to progress before I regress….speaking on the note of regression…Vice versa staring (if you call it staring..ha)..judge reinhold and fred savage is on antenna tv as I’m typing this…I quite enjoyed that movie many times growing up…probably haven’t seen it in 12 or ten years…..saw it literally dozens of times growing up….I think i always saw it as a knock off of big..but looking on imdb message boards its suggested that big came out later…in any case…I grew up with this movie..and little monsters and the wizard…and the mouse and the motorcycle….gosh fred savage was NOT a great child actor..but he was omnipresent through my adolescence (((people on imdb think he was a great child actor..i don’t actually have an opinion of his acting abilities as a child or lack therefor of…but the wonder years was swell..and that’s all that matters…and the fact I like those awful movies he was in :DDD )))
so where were we or where was I going? Vice Versa I’ve seen dozens of times…once I saw it for free at a theater as part of a summer matinee free for kid series of flicks…I probably saw it more than big growing up despite the fact it was the lesser in popularity….but that’s not here nor there..nor over there…but currently right here..
Let’s pretend there was some intent with a purpose here…if there was….there’s not…but The thought of my age..and where I’m at….I’m a bit of a failure at life…maybe not compared to burnouts and addicts and what have you…but on the flip side of that same token…at least if I WERE an addict I’d have that as an excuse right?
I’ve been confronted by the ‘don’t you want a wife, a home, and children’ argument in my life…not recently…but a few years back it was thrown in my face all the time…..whether I do or did or don’t or will….it’s not in my hands. I mean…okay of course it is to some degree..but I believe in higher power(s)….I believe shit happens for (or doesn’t happen for) a reason….blah blah blah….might be pushing values or beliefs there againish..so my bad…..I have faith in something or nothing…that if I’m meant to be a loner “dottie” ((hahaha…if you know the veiled reference..you’re of course awesome))…I did realize, discover, and/or decide a few months ago…I’m not a people person….or I don’t like people…I mostly certainyl don’t need people….but on that same token….((I have lots of tokens))..I don’t hate everyone….I don’t have a vendetta against people nor do I go out of my way to tell all of them (or you) to fuck off….i just reached that realization..or admitted to myself that realization “i just don’t give a fuck”…..
“Love me or hate me”……(((remember lady sovereign?))
where were we again? I suck at life…I’m a loner..and desire to become a bitter old man….fuck everybody that doesn’t drink my koolaid..and then fuck those who do…..at a hundred and twenty six or seven I’m going to say “HA bitches i told you so” and keel over….there’s not really anything else that need be said is there? Perhaps maybe some mention of the suggested topic of this blog in having to do with age though right?
I know 30 is the new 20 and 50 is the new 40…..or something…but at what point does one give up on expecting…something..anything? That movie this is 40….I’m not going to be ANYWHERE near where that suggests one should be at 40…unless I quickly marry a woman with two almost teenage children in the next couple of years..and magically start my own record label (((irony in the fact….that was one of my crap-shoot dreams at a younger age….the internet ruined the music industry…at least as far as for my dreams of a&r go….that and the fact I just don’t give enough of a fuck anymore about finding new music to expose to the masses…politics in the career aside…..my dreams of entertainment related fields…..those business just aren’t what they were…10..15…probably even 5 years ago…and I don’t have the college degree to get me onboard…and..more blah blah blah….))))…
Yeah let’s roll on the parenthesis….I don’t have a degree….I pretty much failed out of college…partially due to funding getting cut off because a bitch instructor wouldn’t sign my sheet to allow me to be in her class…but I don’t hold a grudge…I clearly didn’t have enough of a desire to get through the shit to get a 2 year degree ((((I had classes that I just stopped going to…I was still in a transitional place with my people skills..and talking to the instructors to ask for an incomplete wasn’t something I had in me to do…so instead I just didn’t show up and failed…i think one or two were nice enough to give me an incomplete rather than fail me still..but..still….I fucking suck at life))))
I’m on an abandoned railroad track going in no direction in particular….I don’t know that I could be called listless….I still care about music, movies, tv, and wrestling….I still am a fan of traveling and amusement parks and all that jazz….but none of that leads me toward a career….I’m a serious of temporary bullshit jobs that I can’t stand..or the ones I like….never last very long or get me anywhere….
back to the thought of this is 40…..my future isn’t to bright….but I’m still wearing shades….
still all over the place and around the same place but not quite touching upon the intent in place…unless of course…the intent was venting..or babbling….or whatevering…and there we have it if indeed it were…..
cuz sadly I’m not able to say “because I’m a crack addict”…
if I were dumb and pretty I could probably make a nice living being a starfucker….but then…..that’s much easier if you’re dumb, pretty, and a woman…
Let’s pretend you’re someone in a position of enhancing my life..and you asked me what I want to do with my life….would I like to one day have a wife…..maybe cut into a piece of pie with a knife……..I don’t know why you’d ask me about cutting into a pie with a knife…but let’s digress….or digest…bazinga…. I want to be a whore to the masses making a spectacle of myself on the tv…..I’d like to be part of making a movie….I’d like to be thrown threw a burning table covered in thumbtacks just for shits and giggles….(((though that one…I go back and forth on wether or not I’m a fan of the table burning)))….I want to be on big brother and act like an asshole for the world to see….that clearly won’t set me on a career path…buuut…..then again…maybe it would or could….if I was loved or hated…i could parlay that into being an asshole movie reviewer or everything reviewer that people love to hate or hate to love….but of course I could just as easily be one of those MEH houseguests and nothing would come of it….I think about how hilarious it would be if I were on big brother (nay of course WHEN)….afterwards…people NOT knowing who I am or recognizing me….that’s just the kind of life I live….I could be famous but I’d be more infamous….or not even that..I’d still just blend in …like one of the sheeple I claim I’m not….
Fuck it’s difficult being me….but “damn it feels good to be a gangsta’ D:
The irony I think in my wanting to be on big brother….I’m not a whore for celebrity..or at least personality tests don’t suggest to me I am…I’m a complicated person… #ThereIsNoWhy
To think my legacy will be….just another nobody…that breaks a bit of my insides….but then who doesn’t want to be remembered?…Wait I know..”happy” well adjusted people….with a husband or wife, 2 and a half children, and their little white picket fenced home….I don’t see me being fully content with that….if I were to have that…I’m not against that…but I’m just not worried about it either….except and/or although…to the degree of….every year older…the stupider that thought becomes….i don’t want to be 70 with a thirteen old child…even 65 with a teenager doesn’t sound like a good time….
so what the fuck was or is the point of all this then…….I can pretend I wonder that every day….I really don’t…I don’t give enough of a shit to ponder it…the only thing I’ve ever been really good at is pissing off or annoying people..and there’s people that argue I’m not good at doing either of those things either…..my sarcasm if nothing less is my gift…but even that…..wishy washy the responses it gathers…and of course I claim I’m never EVER sarcastic….maybe a smart ass….but a smartass without a purpose…is just seen as an asshole….so I guess that’s the answer to the riddle of life….what is my purpose? …..I’m here to be just another asshole..
and on that note….I bid you good day…and as I like to claim passively means to fuck off
(((think about it and tell me I’m wrong…..the snark with which I’ve heard many people..often, obviously, British, say “cheers”….it CLEARLY means fuck off..but is veiled with an air of “jolly good” farewell to you….”i say good day”…..so if “cheers” more often than note doesn’t mean fuck off…..I’m just a bitter disillusioned man…clearly..but try it on for size….every-time you read or hear “cheers” convert that to fuck off..and tell me it doesn’t fit and put a smile on your face….because there’s that too….I enjoy being told to fuck off when it’s done with snark..>I appreciate snark……I think that’s the true sign of if someone is REALLY a smartass or not….if one isn’t a smartass…they take offense…..if one is a smartass…they get it…….and with that….you already know the drill….so….*BAM*)))
[[[[[[[see also wonder showzen for my general view of the majority of society....you either get it or you're totally clueless....and if you get it you can't hate it....if you get it and you hate it....there IS no fucking hope...yep]]]]]]]
*created approximately 330 in the am….that doesn’t mean much of anything…but just throwing that out there to further the story..ha..hahaha..hahahahahahhaha*